Ready love :)

Love has existed in my heart since first beat.
Its been hidden by insecurities and hardship.
The love that is expressed with sinfully sweet kisses
Conversations that last for hours,
Fingers intertwined,
Concrete words,
Growing,
Passion,
Strength.
We were only given one heart
Our lonely heart will become like the legs, arms, eyes, and ears
Their other part will be found, but in another.
The other will be the perfect match.
As each second passes, the love is escaping its prison,
Its coming hungry
Its coming with desire for more
When it reaches freedom
Preparation for that moment is never enough
Each breath
Each feeling
Each moment
Each break
Each lesson
Will be counted.

Tears fell.

I didnt think I could ever be affected by what some thinks or what happens but it does and it did. Now I'm imaging my world with just a little less junk and a lot more activity. I feel like crying, I feel really sad, I dont know why but I just do. It hurts really really bad. I know what I need to do, I know what I have to do, I know how much its going to take. I know what is wrong, I know the problem. This isnt going to be easy, its going to be pretty hard. There is so much I have to give, now I want my surgeries more than ever. Now it is necessary to throw in their face how hard I have worked. I normally dont change my personal framework of mind and body for anyone else or from the criticism of others, but this time its different, this time it hurt. Blow in the face hard, stab in the heart worse. I am postulating that I will as long as what I will be doing works, there will be a new form and new status, a new me. I need help, I need strength, I need to do me.

My head is pounding crying for something necessary
My stomach roars because it wants to be feed
I yet can't not relieve any of these pains or necessities.
So I must endure it
I will count down the seconds until I may find peace again
The question is how many seconds are there in three hours.

Angry

I want to cry but my body wont let the tears fall
I want to scream but it seems like my voice has been taken from me
I want to run but my legs are too weak
I want to fly but I wasnt equipped with wings
The thoughts of disappearing to a place of wonder and fascination is what i'm really hoping for
I'm really hoping to leave my mark on the world, one person at a time.
Sometimes its hard to do when my mind doesnt want to stop thinking of one thing
I hate it when it happens
I wish I could have said something earlier
I wish that I would have never denied anything
It saddens me through the core that, I have lost the war
If you are Happy in that Happiness that I am not a piece of it.
How do you think that makes me feel?
When the thought of you being near or in my thoughts makes me joyful
I only pray that everything gets repaired, so that I can have my thoughts to myself
once again.
I'm done for now but I'm still angry inside, I still want to cry, scream, run, and fly.

Tick Tock :)

Tick Tock, I know time has passed by
Tick Tock, I know that time will continue to go on
Yet I'm lost, Yet I dont know what to do
I dont what my future holds
Everything is going to change
Everything is going to be different
I have to start over
Time has wasted
But I have learned things that wont ever be forgotten
But now its time to accept that the future that was once painted is now erased
The canvas is now blank
Now I need new colors
Tick Tock, I have a new sound ringing in my ears
Tick Tock, I bought a new clock
I hope I will find the passion I need inside
I hope I will regain my spirit

I want :)

I want to be able to say things such as:
I just spent such a great day with my baby
I cant stop smiling because of you
You bring butterflies in my stomach
Singing you smile, warms with joy.

I want to be able to hold someone in my arms
and truly love them.
I want to be able to give my heart to someone
knowing they wont take it for granted.

I want to act goofy with someone.
I want to challenge him in his own game.
I want to watch movies and cuddle real close
while throwing popcorn at them
and he telling me to stop because he is trying to watch the movie
but then kisses me on the forehead

I'm waiting for someone. I'll wait patiently I don't care if it takes forever
I just wait for my one true love.

Taking a trip

Lets take a trip into your mind
and lets see what we can find
Nothing will have straight corners or sharp edges
Curves and loops is what we hope to find
Organization out the door
Lets hope we can find something more
Imagination takes life on a tour
Outside the windows and the doors
I'll see you in the end but the path never ends
Stopping is not permitted by time
So lets just jump into another mind

I'm fat :-/

So i realized i gained weight after losing soo much weight
that's going to stop right now.
if I dont want to be overweight again then
I'm going to do something about it again
I got 5 months before I"m off to dominican republic
cross your fingers, because I want my surgeries
I need them to feel ok.
I need them so I can love myself
I didnt think, I would ever look at myself in disgust
and I have, and I dont like it.
i'm doing something about it
I got a trainer
I got some motivation
I need to find me an assuie that's super hot
that I will love hehehe
Good night :D

To Them:

My support. You support me in everything I do, Even though you believe its crazy, even though you don't always agree, you support it. You tell me what you think.

You are my family, love is what we have for each other.

My diary. I tell you everything, even somethings you don't want to know. I tell it all to you. I dont mind you knowing me inside and out.

My Hope. There are times when I feel the whole world is going to crash against me. That's where you come in and change my positivity. Give a reason to keep fighting for what I need to fight for.

My Enemies. You tell me things I dont want to hear, you tell me the truth even though it hurts. You laugh if I fall, you laugh if i make a mistake. Have a way to really irritate me, and piss me off.

Last you are a component. A component that I need to complete myself as a whole.

You guys know who you are. If you dont know that you mean this much to me, then you probably arent any of those things I have mentioned above.

I love you my friends
Thanks for being there for me
My brothers and sisters.

Its 01/01/10. Wierd ain't it. Time for new beginnings. I need a change of scenery. I need a lot of things. Didn't get my last 09 kiss, and probably not gonna get an 2010, year X, kiss either. I want affection but extra things are weighing me down literally.
I feel a little different and Idk why. Hi 2010