...

Look at me, look inside me
do you see me?
Can you tell how I feel?
Can you make it out?
Do you know how much I love, how much I care?
I'm afraid to look inside your eyes
I'm afraid to see no interest
to see no love, no desire, no inspiration
if you dont love anymore, that will be painful
it will be something that will never heal
to live with such a pain will be horrendous
I cant seem to get over it
I cant seem to let it go
but I need you with me
I need you to stand beside me
but if you need to say good bye to be free and happy
Good bye

Testing fone message

More thoughts

I'm working on a piece of my mind
To make it better
To make it understand
To make it see what others see
Clean it with windex and make it spotless
Start over maybe
I just want to feel whole
I just want to learn to love
I just want to make someone understand me completely
Make you love it
Make it clean
Make it ring in your ears
Scream it
Love it
Judge it
Criticize it

I feel...

I have accomplished a lot in life right but nothing is ever enough.
I feel like I will never be able to finish what I have started.
I feel like crying
I feel like running and running and never stopping
I feel like I'm not good enough
I feel like the world is worth more than how we treat it
I feel like somethings aren't made to be changed
I feel like we should grow within ourselves to our stature
I feel like you should know that there's always going to be someone better than you
I feel like I will never find my life partner
I feel like I will never be in love
I feel like I care too much
I feel like the world is always turning but everything is the same
People die
People cry
People smile
People kill
People harm
People love
People hurt
People make promises
People change

"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter." - Oscar Wilde

"I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you" -Avril Lavigne

Random things about me :D

I wanted to see how many random facts I can state about myself. Try it.

1. I can drink chocolate milk alongside anything.
2. I like to chew on plastic after I'm done eating, straws, forks, spoons etc...
3. I'm a cokeacola addict
4. It takes me forever to go to sleep
5. I love texting.. like seriously I love to do it.
6. I always have a million things I want to do, and never do them.
7. If I could just travel the world and get paid for it I would deff do it.
8. I'll do laundry and never put my cloths away
9. I love marvel movies
10. My two favorite foods are pizza and breakfast cereal
11. I love eyes and smiles
12. If I dont add gel and moose to my hair, I'll have a 70's fro
13. I love piercings and tattoos but cant have any tattoos, my favorite piercing is my tongue.
14. I always give you 2 chances... any more than that i'll have to think about it.
15. I eat ALOT of junk food.
16. My favorite flower is the tulip
17. I can listen to a song 100 times daily and not know the lyrics to them.
18. I am not a good singer but I love to sing all the time
19. I can be expressiveless in certain suitations
20. When I'm freaking out I laugh, I cant stop laughing and even though I'm dying inside I laugh
21. I love to make up words and phrases.
22. I have unbelievable low self esteem
23. No matter what I do, I bite my nails, I'm a nail biter! AHHH
24. People think I'm funny, but I think they are crazy.
25. People normally describe me as Blunt, funny, crazy, a Bitch, and so sweet.
26. I have the ugliest feet on the planet
27. I HATE sitting through a movie without popcorn.
28. If I find a book a good read, I can normally read for a minimum of 5 hours
29. I can look at the night sky for hours.
30. I have HORRIBLE grammar, believe it too. Its bad.
31. I probably says "Damn he's hott" about 5 times daily.
32. For right now I dont want to get married or have kids.
33. I'm not athetic at all. I have zip sports talent.
34. My favorite instruments are piano, and violin.
35. I can find a guy super hot and have an amazing personality wise and not like him as a boyfriend. So please dont get offended if I just dont like you.
36. I met the most amazing people this year.
37. If a pack rat, I love to keep everything. even a wrist band to my first club.
38. For new years this year I completed a 700 piece puzzle of Times Square.
39. I'm' going to have 2 major surgeries and I'm only 21.
40. I dont know how to ride a bike
41. I'm always up in my own head.
42. Its hard for me to trust people
43. I will talk about you, but if you want to know what I am saying just ask me
44. I Only find a rice grain size of things weird.
45. I like when people are straight up, just tell me no, or that you dont want to talk right now, or just not this weekend. I appreciate it.
46. I rather hear the honest truth, even if it hurts or I might be mad at you for a certain amount of time.
47. I'm always cold, so I'm always wearing a jacket.
48. I cuss a ton, I am sorry if I do it in front of your children.
49. On messenger, if I say lol, or lmao, I'm really laughing.
50. I'm going to stop here because I'm bored not because I cant continue....

Katherine wrote this about me

My oldest sister;

Well Claudette Marie Gonzalez; I love you.
I love your laugh & how your so blunt about everything.
I really look up too you. Your so sophisticated & your so fun.

Your my sister; my bestfriend; & my role model.
I know sometimes we argue but i really do love you.
Obviously sisters fight and argue but in the end i know you will never let me down.

I think your gonna be successful in life because you always strive for whatever you want to do & end up excelling at it .
I want to do the same. & you need to stop being insecure cause your beautiful <3 & i love you.

Pain

Pain comes in many ways and hurts in many other ways.
I have felt pain in many different types from many different people
Physical pain, mental pain, emotional pain self inflicted pain, pain without reason, explainable pain, pain with tears, pain without tears, unexpressed pain, misunderstanding pain.
Pain takes away happiness little by little.
sometimes theres no way to relieve the pain.
Taking pills, expressing it, being comforted, a kiss, a hug, a letter, a piece of cake, motivation, inspiration
Can you overcome pain or can pain easily take over?
Why are people always running from pain?
Dont you learn from pain, isn't pain a warning like a neon sign that something isnt going right
are you addicted to pain any kind of pain?
would you rather feel pain than no emotion?

in love?

if you have never been in love before, how would u know if you are in love now? There's certain people in this world that you don't ever want to live without. How u separate those people from the one you truly want to be with? The world is full of titles and names but what do you do when u find the one person that Cant fit into any title, the one person you hope never is hurt by you, never sad because of something you did. What if someone tells you things you never thought anyone could say to you because you never thought you deserved to hear it? Some many what ifs in a world where there are always trying to find an answer. Hmmm.. I am not looking for an answer. I am not looking for an explanation. I am not looking to understand

Moving in different directions

We wont be able to be an us because the worlds we live in as separates are not even crashing but moving in a different orbit. My world tried to keep moving closer but your world kept traveling further and further away. So we began doing our own thing. My world still missed your harvest and goodies. I dont know if the energy wasted or put out is worth what your world gives my world. The energy wasted has us with too much pain and restlessness. My world told your world how we felt, hard but we expressed our pain and hurt. Still your world is gone off in another orbit, too far away to follow. When your world steps into our orbit, its only for seconds, for a bit, minute amount, and not even 50% of your world is there. If my world is giving 100% than we deserve more. If not, then we will disappear, to a different galaxy without notice to your world. Don't look for us because you dont need us. Anything we provided you can get from another world, maybe even better. Maybe they can live with only 50%. We just know we cant. Your world only has a small amount of time until we pick up and leave. Making it easier for your world to stay at its comfort level. Sooner or later you will realize maybe you are better off. No stress. Being connected to our world is too much work as you have told us. About that we can describe it to your world "with one finger and not the ring finger or the pointer". Good Luck. Dont crash. Fall into another orbit, Fall into another world that's perfect. For now we want to stay away. We feel hate and anger. Now we will go away, unless your world can think of a reason for us to stay.

Evil Plan: mad libs

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Widespread Misery.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Power

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first traumatize a chosen one. This will cause the world to sense a grave disturbance in the force, amazed by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a corporate suit?

Stage Two

Next, you must smash that opera house in sydney. This will all be done from a amusement park, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of mad scientists hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must prepare your great supernatural forces, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with all that is wrong with the world, and no man will ever again dare sabotage your music career. Everyone will bow before your superhuman powers, and the world will have no choice but to worship the ground you walk on.

Katherine

This girl looks for someone to love her but she doesn’t even know herself. She bases her confidence and her stature on the opinions of others. She doesn’t consider herself the top judge which she should. No one else can love her the way she should love herself. Once she finds that she will be happy. She always wants the heat of the opposite sex because she’s empty. She doesn’t understand that to live life you don’t have to chase love. Love manages to seep in when no one is watching. Her beauty is not seen in her own mirror because she looks for it in other’s eyes. What she doesn’t know is that she’s beautiful no matter what others think because her heart is pure. Scared she might be, lonely another emotion. But having a man will not take those feelings away permanently and then she will be once more lonely and scared. Temporary happiness is never satisfying in the long run. Tears may fall, smiles will appear but do we really know her. What we say affects her even though we don’t mean it. Will she break or hold together?

Doesnt have a title :D

The Happiness you feel represses the sadness you felt.
Is that why you can’t read and write it?
Because your mind is in paradise
Love is all you show now
Could this be real or is it only your reality
If it returns will it destroy what you’ve built?
Will you become the company of misery yet again?
Contained you keep your past but if arises will it haunt you?
The ability to read and write it will be reborn
Unless the plane has flown and it won’t return

There's always...

There's always hope! There's always a chance. Always makes things sound so definite. So realistic. What does chance mean? Possibility, of course. There's always a probability for something to happen no matter how minute, that probability is. There's always a chance. There's always a way out. That phrase doesn't promise ease or the right way. Sometimes you must stay stuck, so the way out is right. Sometimes easy is not always your best bet. Sometimes things are on your side because there's always a possibility. What if that chance that's always there is never taken. Then Maybe it will never affect you or maybe it will always be on your mind. Regrets. Most people deny having regrets. You may regret something for a moment. In that moment in time you regretted sometimes. I don't know where I am going with this or what direction its moving in. But there's always a chance of a hidden message, or maybe it will never be read or spoken of again.

Welcome to my Life :D

I'm sooo bored right now :D
Waiting for my best friend to get here already :D